Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
