I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
