i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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