Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
