The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
