so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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