I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize