apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
