Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
