We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
