I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
