yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
