If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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