My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
