Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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