I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
