At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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