FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize