sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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