I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
