I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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