you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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