yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
