i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
