If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
