ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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