that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A+ Viking dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize