I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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