Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
