Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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