I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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