she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
