oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
