Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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