____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
