I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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