sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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