ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
