I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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