When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize