just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
