ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
