I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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