and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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