You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
