i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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