Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
