A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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