I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you never un-have a 4some
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
