dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
