I wish my penis had an off switch
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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