My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
