She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
