There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
