Don't make out with my wife yet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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