farters have to be the big spoon...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
