I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
