Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
