I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
