Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
