Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
