Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
