There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
