he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
