there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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