Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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