When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
