Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
