omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
