you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
