Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
