i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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