her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think i have two assholes
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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