I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
