the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
