i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
