oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
